“THE PRINCESS BRIDE” REVISITED, STARRING RON LIEPERT AS INIGO MONTOYA AND ROB ANDERS AS THE SIX-FINGERED MAN
Okay, it’s a stretch. In the actual “Princess Bride”, Inigo Montoya was a basically good but troubled soul who was a skilled sword fighter, who never incurred the wrath of teachers or school trustees and never wrecked a health care system, but was merely out to avenge the murder of his father at the hands of the six-fingered man. The six-fingered man — a loyal but slightly out-of-control henchman of a manipulative, would-be despotic leader — never called Nelson Mandela a terrorist but was fond of torturing his subjects.
Nah…no resemblance to any actual person in Calgary Signal Hill at all…although, like Inigo, Rockin’ Ron was certainly in the revenge business.
On Saturday night, after a long delay for the results, a rumoured three recounts of the votes, and that awkward moment when someone at the Calgary Herald prematurely hit the “Send” key on two prewritten stories declaring each candidate the winner, Ron Liepert defeated Rob Anders for the Conservative nomination in the new federal riding of Calgary Signal Hill.
By how much, we don’t know. The Conservative Party won’t say.
Maybe I’m just making mischief here, since the Globe and Mail is quoting unnamed sources who claim Liepert got three times as many votes as Anders. But I’m inclined to wonder why you’d refuse to disclose the actual vote totals, unless it was really close and you don’t want to encourage the losing candidate’s supporters to mobilize against the winning candidate in the run-up to next year’s federal election.
Cuz, y’know, that whole west side of Calgary is supposed to be so monolithically Conservative that the only real political battle is the fight between Conservatives to snag the party nomination. The real election, on Election Day, where everybody (except those disenfranchised by the Fair Elections Act) gets to vote? A mere formality, a pesky constitutional requirement. And the Conservatives don’t want to upset that applecart.
In the interest of brevity, I’ll leave the detailed accounts of the evening to other sources. Suffice it to say that following the results, a flood of tweets broke out from Anders’ many detractors expressing giddy delight at his downfall after 17 years in office during which, despite numerous attempts to get rid of him — and as Inigo himself might say — Anders would “…no be moved.” (Thus my comment about a fondness for torturing one’s subjects.)
Fans of “The Princess Bride” will know that after Inigo killed the six-fingered man, he lamented to Westley, “I have been in the revenge business for so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.”
After exacting his revenge on Anders, Liepert immediately picked another fight — with Jason Kenney.
Kenney — the Minister of Employment and Many Other Things, often tabbed as the heir apparent to Stephen Harper, and arguably the most powerful minister in Harper’s cabinet — had endorsed Anders for the nomination. Asked about that, Liepert said, “Quite frankly, I think Minister Kenney should mind his own business. He should go into his own riding and try and get re-elected in his own riding and quit monkeying around at other nominations.” To which a reporter asked, presumably for clarification, if Liepert was angry. “You’re damn right I am. Why? Because it’s none of his business!”
Which reminds me of another scene from The Princess Bride that might now apply to Liepert. It’s the scene in which Inigo, Fezzik, and an only-mostly-dead-which-is-somewhat-alive Westley leave Miracle Max and his wife Valerie at their hovel.
Miracle Max: “Have fun stormin’ da castle!”
Valerie: “Think it’ll work?”
Max: “It’d take a miracle.”